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July 28, 2007

Quite Possibly One of the Weirdest Things I've Ever Seen...

First let me throw up the content and NSFW warnings.  There, you've been warned. 

Suffice to say, I've got an article with a few apparent Christians with a very nuanced view on sex.  More below the fold.
So, who wants to the see the Biblical justification for premarital anal sex?

How about a treatise on how fisting is actually a deeply spiritual experience? Perhaps God's will for BDSM? Freaked out yet? I've seen some weird stuff before, but this takes the cake. Honestly, the scriptures they're using are just whacko. This has got to be a parody site.

Check out their list of requirements for "Christian Porn":

Toward a Framework for Christian Porn
  • It must depict only married couples engaging in sexual acts. This means that any sexual partners in a Christian porn production must be husband and wife, both on and off screen. All actors must be married in real life and portray married couples onscreen. And they must only be depicted having sex with their wedded spouses.
  • It must portray sex within the context of a Christian marriage. It must be apparent through the actions, behaviors, and speech of the characters portrayed that they are Christian, lead a Christian lifestyle, and have a marriage in which their faith is central. This could be depicted in a variety of ways, with scenes showing a couple praying together, studying the Bible, attending church or church functions, and generally relating to one another as loving Christian spouses outside of the bedroom.
  • It must be instructional. Part of the mission of Christian pornography is to graphically educate married believers in how to achieve more sexual pleasure, intimacy, and closeness in their relationships. It can do this by dramatizing various sexual techniques and positions so that couples can learn how to incorporate them into their lovemaking routines. In their onscreen roles, the actors should model both correct sexual techniques and appropriate sexual attitudes, by being respectful and treating one another’s bodies as the sacred gift from God that they are.
  • Husband and wife must both receive their due benevolence. This is in keeping with the scriptural mandate of I Corinthians 7:3, which says “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” This means that both sex partners must be shown getting equal pleasure and sexual attention from one another.
  • No extramarital sex, unless it is to illustrate the downfalls of adultery. The spouses in a Christian porn production must never have adulterous relations, unless they (and their partner in extramarital crime) suffer and are punished fittingly for their sins. (In deference to modern conventions, the punishment does not have to be one mandated by scripture, i.e., being stoned to death.)
  • It must be uplifting and inspirational, focusing on strengthening Christian marriage and Christian faith. Christian porn must have an overall positive message. Of course, its primary message would be to demonstrate the sacred use of sexuality and sensuality to reinforce the bonds of Christian marriage. But in all other respects, it should affirm Christian values of community, family, faith, honesty, charity, and so forth. It should show that having a joyous and fulfilling married sex life is one of the fruits of following the path of righteousness.
  • No profanity. Although exclamations of pleasure are acceptable, as are the natural sounds and vocalizations of lovemaking, Christian porn should contain no profanity or swearing. The participants should address each other lovingly and respectfully at all times. Of course, it goes without saying that the actors will not take the Lord’s name in vain, nor that of his Son.

Just ... wow. 

Posted by: Joseph at 08:48 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 614 words, total size 5 kb.

1 Just today I heard words Christian porns. Christian porns? That's weird. Very weirdo. Yeah, that site must be a parody site, if not, they are crazy. Impotenz

Posted by: Angkasa at December 05, 2009 08:45 AM (dGHQb)

2 Is this just a joke man? The site looks like real site, not parody one. It's humiliating Christianity. If they read it, I don't know what will happen, mate. Penisvergrößerung, please don't click the link.

Posted by: Aries at December 05, 2009 12:09 PM (hMp7l)

3 This is really a bad joke, mate. I rather go to restaurantes en madrid and run my business than have to read this terrible joke. I don't think this one worth to be post here.

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4 Ha-ha. very very funny thing. I never know this story before. Damn, this is so good. I really need to laugh right now. Thanks man for posting this one. A penis pumpe is far worse than this one. You're really great can find this article and post it in here. Good stuff.

Posted by: Anggit at December 08, 2009 07:29 AM (RxyRb)

5 Christian porn must have an overall positive message. - that's crazy. How can something porn, have an overall positive message? That's impossible. Edric the erezioni

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